It’s time again for a pointless blog post that most of you won’t read and i will have wasted 15 minutes of my life on :'(. Anyway I had one of those moments today where I almost experienced a day’s worth of embarrassment.
As I began driving to class today (a class that i missed due to traffic mind you but that’s not the story here) I began to wonder “Did I put any deodorant on today.” I was luckily still on my street and was able to go back home and apply some of my Old Spice Red Zone Pure Sport deodorant. This caused me to think about other moments like this that have popped up in my life and I realized not only am I a forgetful person but also this happens all the time.
- Did i Brush my teeth?: Come on its happend to all of us. You wake up late rush to the bathroom start thinking about everything you need to do in a short time and you forget about them pearly whites. Usually we catch this right around that time when you speak to a person in your home and they give you that “what crawled in your mouth and died” look. At that point you go to the bathroom, brush and depart. If you forget well there’s a reason they invented those wisps things.
- Putting the seat down: This only applies to men really but ladies hear me out. We only need the seat down for one purpose and it’s easy for us to forget. Plus when we try to manuever around putting it up we get yelled at because you sat on a wet spot. Look ladies don’t assume we put the seat down if we haven’t learned by now what makes you think we will know tomorrow. If you fall into the bowl it’s your own damn fault.
- That really important thing your boss said you needed to get done: Let me draw up the situation so it can mind fuck you into seeing how dead on I am with this scenario. You just punched in and over comes the man/woman running the show tonight. They pull out a piece a paper and look at you and tell you what they need. They tell the list which contains 14 easy task to be done right away, a few small task that don’t need to be done anytime soon, the covering of some douchbags lunch break and in the middle of it all 1 gigantic important task that must be done. This task is said once in the middle of everything else but is emphasized as critical to the worlds well-being. Of course closing time comes around and you forgot. The almighty boss is freaking and you are standing there wondering why he or she didn’t remind you or write it down. An argument ensues and you proceed to tell them to stick it you don’t need to take this crap. Or you stay late do it and then get a warning the next day and go on with work week.
- Paying that bill that you got last week…you think: The credit card/phone/rent bill. You think you have extra money that week then the phone rings and your informed you owe capital one or verizon a payment. You try to convince the doucher on the other line that you paid that last month and they say you did but you need to pay this month. Well there went the money for the weekend.
- Turning off the headlights.: Your just out work, the weekend is here, you’re looking fresh. You got a bottle of Ciroq chillen in the back seat and blunt hanging in the glove compartment. You got a spot set up to roll to and shorty let already let you know she’s dtf tonight. OH YEAH ITS GONNA BE ONE OF THOSE NIGHTS. You put the key in the ignition and CLICK…CLICK…CLICK…nothing. You try again and…nothing. Of course no ones around and you need a jump real bad. You hit up all your people and no one is in any condition to drive. The night, the weekend, the possibilities all ruined because you forgot to turn off the headlights.
- Turning the stove off: This is the only reason I’m afraid to cook sometimes. If a woman is around she will always question if I turned it off. WHY??? I’m pretty sure it’s off and if not well then I guess we’re shit out of luck.
- Your work schedule: Yup all of us have done this. You think your off that night than POW the phone rings. “Hey it (insert bosses name here) we were just wondering if you were gonna come in today.” Well currently your 6 shots deep and ripping a bowl so the answer is no but you of course have worked up a sob story about a close family friends cousins sisters ex husbands nephews kid being in a terrible accident and having to visit incase they don’t pull through. They’ll buy it right…as long as you don’t slur those words…maybe you should start looking for a new job.
- Did I/he(from a ladies point of view) pull out in time: This isn’t embarrassing its straight nerve wracking. You sit and wait thinking about it for so long. You call your best friend wondering what you’re gonna do. You contemplate running away, joining the army. WHAT ARE THE PARENTS GONNA SAY? HOW AM I GONNA AFFORD A KID? Then a phone call comes and either your saved by the monthly read river of death (oh how marvelous that evil thing can be sometimes) or you’re gonna be a parent and your life has forever changed. (once again I must emphasize that I have the utmost respect for anyone with a child and this is not written in order to insult any of you.)
Well my friends I’m out of thoughts I’m gonna go back to work with this flu of mine and attempt to survive the day.
Until we meet again
Proud to be a pue…..YOU KNOW THE SLOGAN I’M OUT DEUCES.